Tuesday, July 29, 2008


my kind of town oaktown is

anyone who's known me for 10 seconds knows that oakland, calif. is one of my favorite cities in the world.

i love lake merritt (pictured above), the shops on lakeshore, jack london square, rockridge, the taco truck on e. 14th street, marcus books, the restaurants, the tribune tower and most of all, the people.

it was they who first supported me when i took a job as a sportswriter/columnist at the bob and nancy maynard-owned oakland tribune. those were the days. i fell in love with oaktown during the summer of '89 after having completed a fellowship at nearby cal-berkeley. i officially moved to oaktown on the day that huey newton was murdered.

talk about your agony and ecstasy.

the oakland tribune had the most diverse staff of any newspaper in the country. we sent a chinese photographer and a white writer out to cover newton's funeral and the copy was edited by a black assistant city editor. plus, it was a very nurturing environment--a great place for a green bean like me.

also, the trib really launched my career and i am eternally grateful. it's the spot where i had most of my professional triumphs--as well as a few of my biggest blunders. what made that experience even more meaningful was that an entire community embraced me--the poor little colored girl from the suburbs--and i them. one of my most memorable moments was surviving a 7.1 earthquake in the already structurally unstable tribune tower. i sat at my desk and watched a support beam crack down the middle as my co-workers scattered to find open doorways and dove under desks.




these days one of the first things i do whenever i go to oakland--especially if i'm driving--is to raise my arms in triumph every time i pass the windmills on the 580. to me, that means i'm home--even if oakland is another 60 miles away. one of my first stops once i do cross the city line is always le cheval, a vietnamese-french eatery located in downtown oakland.


it's one of my top 5 favorite restaurants in the world and the place where i chose to celebrate my 50th birthday with some very, very dear friends in january. (below: maria, carlton and joseph chan).


this latest trip up to the bay was something special. yes, i had some business to take care but my good friend gaby--the woman who taught me final cut pro and so much more--agreed to come along for the road trip. gaby is such a trouper. we were supposed to leave at 9:30 a.m. and i usually am such an anal stickler for time, but i had gotten back late sunday night from san diego and been up all night doing stuff, so i snooze-buttoned my way through my 8:30 a.m. alarm. two hours later gaby rang wanting to know if i was on my way. i wasn't because i still had to get the oil changed in the old saab turbo. sweetie that she is, gaby wasn't even mad. she had some things to do and told me to just ring when i was on my way to studio city.

i would have been on my way sooner but of course there was drama at jiffy lube.

unfortunately, a green bean employee had written up my initial order. when i asked him how much it would be he quoted me the low, low, price of $37.99. about 20 minutes later, however, his manager rang me up at $82.50. you know i wasn't having that so after a brief "discussion" and threats to drive away, the price was dropped to $67 out the door. the reason for the discrepancy? you can only use that costly synthetic oil with saabs. had i known that before i bought the ride i'd be cruising in a corolla these days.

the ride up--with the exception of missing the 5 north exit because i was so busy gabbing with gaby--was uneventful. it usually never takes me and my size 81/2 lead foot more than five hours to get to the bay. monday was no exception. since we were basically averaging about 90 mph and stopped only once to pick up some really bad subway sandwiches, we actually made it to our downtown oakland hotel in 4 hours, 40 minutes.

upon checking in, however, i discovered that not only had i forgotten my lingerie, but my mac cosmetics bag as well.

lovely.

it's one thing to replace a bra and panties, but to try and restock hundreds of dollars of mac goodies was something else entirely. i'd have to make it through the next few days with the face god initially gave me.

scary.

the first stop after we checked in? le cheval. but you already knew this!!

i love le cheval because the food is great, the atmosphere is relaxed and diverse and the staff--some of whom still remember me from back in the day--are always cool. plus, they have the best martinis in town.

i ordered, as i always do, the lemongrass tofu, the garlic string beans and a glass of pinot noir. gaby, a le cheval virgin, had the lemongrass chicken and a vodka gimlet. our mutual friend venise, who had driven down from vallejo to meet us, ordered the tofu spring rolls and some water (more on that later). of course, we engaged in communal dining and had a great time catching up on each other's lives. not wanting to end the evening just yet we headed up the street to another one of my old hangouts--the bar at the marriott hotel.

did we have too much to drink? well, maybe gaby and i had one glass too many, but when venise ordered herb tea we decided it was time for an intervention! her excuse? she was staying dry because vallejo was a long ride home.

whateva.

i love it, however, when lips get loose after a few drinks. even though the three of us have known each other since the early '90s, it was probably the first time we'd ever been that open and honest with each other about everything that was going on in our lives. (below: venise, miki, gaby).

bloatedness.
carb-intake.
men.
careers.
aging parents.
annoying siblings.



and yes, we talked plenty of you-know-what, too!

i learned a lot about them and vice-versa. perhaps they learned too much about me, which is why pinot noir is no longer my friend.

the next day i had some meetings in the city--which is what east bay folks call san francisco. i dropped gaby off at van ness and market so she could explore touristy union square and picked her up two hours later. we then went to zachry's pizza in the rockridge area of oakland for a chicago-style deep dish pie.

i think one slice weighed two pounds. no joke.

after dinner i was feeling a bit nostalgic and drove by my old flat, located just up the hill from lake merritt. man, that 'hood has changed--but in a good way.


also bopped over to berkeley, another one of my favorite cities in the world, so i could puruse the dvd bins at amoeba. we made it an early evening, however, heading back to the hotel just after dusk to watch "reign over me" on gaby's 17-inch macbook pro.

gaby thinks adam sandler and don cheadle should never, ever hook up ever again on screen. she didn't buy sandler as a victim.

on wednesday, gaby and i had sushi at a waterfront spot in san mateo with her friend fernanda. we then reconnected with venise in berkeley, even though we should have been well on our way back home to l.a.

but, i can never say no to b-town. i love walking up and down telegraph avenue. my inner-hippie creeps out while i'm checking out the street vendors, ducking in and out of used book and record stores and sipping happily on a soy milkshake from smart alec's.

the folks who regularly congregate on telegraph are my people! from the white guy draped in mudcloth to the homeless man screaming at the wall to the sunburned cal swimmer grabbing a sandwich from the cafe on the corner to the brother with the pink and blue afro playing a plastic bucket in front of the old cody's bookstore.

the telegraph area isn't as colorful as it once was--especially since the people's park has been removed--but it's still irresistible to me.

venise wanted us to meet her at berkeley bowl where she was grocery shopping. this store, located not far from cal, has every imaginable fruit, grain, spice, bread, vegetable, meat and wine on the planet. since i spend very little time in supermarkets, i'm always fascinated by the vast varieties of foods found there, but every five seconds i was picking up some strange looking fruit with feathers or gills and asking v: "what is this?"

v to gaby: she's just like a child. she picks up everything!

me: (picking up some green tomatoes with yellow spots) these tomatoes are rotten.

v: they're organic.

me: eat them and you'll die. trust.

afterwards we went back up to telegraph so i could get a berkley t-shirt. since i did a journalism fellowship there in the '80s and lived on campus in the russian house, i feel i have the right to represent.

about three hours after kissing venise goodbye, having a really mediocre meal at another favorite spot on university avenue and stopping by the marina square mall in san leandro so that gaby could get a cap from the gap outlet, we headed south. again, an uneventful ride. we spent most of the trip down trying to determine if there were any living british actors who were both talented and sexy.

clive owen, you're like the only one dude.

now that i'm back home and slowly getting back into the old routine--waking up, thanking god, suffering through the hot topics on "the view," spending way too much time on the net and then finally getting to work--i'm thinking that i should perhaps spend some more time up north. the people are so naturally common--and that's not a dig. sure, some of them are pseudo-intellects with five degrees from berkeley and perpetual bad hair days--but at least they look the part and are seemingly botox-free.

brings a whole new meaning to the term "organic."

even the stock boys at the whole foods stores here look as though they just stepped out of the makeup trailer.

as for me and pinot noir, i think we shall mend our fences by the weekend. sometimes you just have to talk these things out. sharing, as i experienced this week with v and gabs, just makes you that much closer.

thank goodness my fully stocked wine cooler is less than 10 yards from my bed. that was one smart move on my part. i'm sure my berkeley peeps would totally agree.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


the *%&$@#!* ex files

writing this blog is a little bit like walking down the main street of my hometown buck naked. it, in a way, exposes who i am now and who i aspire to be once i get it all figured out.

last week was so very challenging that i lost sight of myself for a moment or two. the reason? the ex's.

i had very brief encounters with four ex-boyfriends in the span of two days. that's enough to make a lesser woman reach for the vicodin, but fortunately for me my prescription had run out so i had to settle for a double-dose of rooibos tea and a pinot noir chaser.

the first encounter, we'll call him ex-a--or slacker on the dl if you like--was just a chance meeting on the street. i was speeding down the avenue one morning en route to work with the top down so i was hard to miss and vice-versa. he was on his way to the donut shop on the corner.

damn, he looked good. i waved, stopped the car and we chatted for a few seconds before the impatient driver behind me started blowing the horn.

that's probably a good thing as i was starting to have some rather unsavory thoughts. and i had begun to second guess the reasons why i kicked him to the curb--gently, of course.

geez. i am so not a morning person.

ex-b and i actually communicated via email. he invited me to his military retirement party and i accepted knowing full well i wasn't going to go. since we hadn't spoken in more than a year, i asked him if he still had his corporate gig. he wrote back saying he had been undergoing chemotherapy since february and had several more treatments to go.

since he wasn't very forthcoming with any other details i'm still not able to wrap my head around this one. ex-b totally dropped a bomb on me.

ex-c just rang out of the blue, as he is prone to do. we talked, laughed, teased and he made promises that he knows he's not going to keep. while these sporadic calls still make my heart go aflutter, they're starting to get pretty old.

sort of like the both of us.

ex-d rang up one day and invited me to lunch at one of our old haunts. i hauled ass to get there because like ex-c, i always fall under his spell. given a chance, i'd like to remove the "ex" from in front of his name.

and then the current beau who is somewhere in between boy and friend these days, started blowing up my celly, too. i think he's at the point where he's channeling his inner r.kelly.

he don't see nuthin' wrong with a little bump-and-grind.

thankfully, i didn't have too much time to dwell on these untimely random encounters because i was way too busy covering the tv critics tour and hanging out with friends from out of town with what little down time i had. once the tour ended, however, i found myself discussing the ex's with a variety of folks from close friends to sanaa lathan.

for the record, she's a great listener. and even though she's 14 years my junior, she dropped some wisdom on me that i'll keep to myself at this time. what she said, however, definitely helped me plug up the holes in my head.

i concluded that what happened last week was god's way of getting me to determine what it is i want so that he can wrap it up in a bow and fed-ex it to me (priority overnight). i think, however, he should send it via ground service. i may need some more time to really figure that out.

until i do i will keep working at this feverish pace, get my breasts squished on thursday, have lunch with rrr immediately afterward, pick up an iphone on friday, edit video and wish my dad a happy 93rd birthday on the train to san diego on saturday, interview tyrese for the 2 billionth time on sunday, cruise up to the bay with gaby on monday, drop some dimes at my favorite restaurant in the world--lecheval in oakland--on monday, talk to some folks about my future on tuesday and head back home on wednesday.

and on the seventh day i will rest. perhaps, that's when i'll start to get it. i'd call ms. cleo but i think she's still on lockdown.

there is something positive, however, that emerged from all my confusion. i heard from a very reliable source that chris brown is into older women. that totally ex-cites me.

i wonder if i can keep blogging from jail?

or from the sanitarium?

get well soon ex-b.

photo: mik's four ex's immortalized in cape town for their contributions to women worldwide.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


what i do on my dayz off. don't hate!

Monday, July 14, 2008


black in america is way too gray


i just finished watching cnn's four-hour series on being black in america and i don't think the all-news network really got it.

to be fair, i was forewarned about the inadequacies of this project by a fellow scribe. reported by award-winning journalist soledad o'brien, i was told that the documentary jumped all over the place and had no point. as much as i had hoped my friend would be wrong, he was not. because the piece is so poorly edited it makes it hard for viewers to fully invest themselves in the stories.

and when that happens you just don't care.

also, one of the problems with documentaries of this ilk is that while they routinely attempt to chronicle the struggles, the pain and the strife endured by the people being profiled, they rarely capture their resolve. that's one of the reasons we have been able to survive being black in america.

another issue i had was with the panel of "experts." there's one exceptionally youthful looking harvard professor who comments on nearly every segment from education to hiv/aids to religion and faith. what, cornell west was unavailable? skip gates was on holiday? angela davis said no? no disrespect to the brother from harvard, new voices are needed. but even though the aforementioned people are used ad nauseaum by media entities from around the globe, at least they're old enough and learned enough to know what they're talking about.

and more importantly, they have a certain cache, credibility.

additionally, there's no significant mention of the impact of hip hop or mega churches have had on the culture. how can that be?

towards the end of the third hour i was still wondering what the point was. it kind of felt as if cnn were trying to say: "hey white people, looky here. black folks are a-0-k, too!" my great fear, however, is that cnn is marketing this project to the wrong audience. black folks already know what it's like to be black in america and none of the stories presented were at all enlightening.
and, for the random white person that watches this, it's quite possible that black in america will reinforce all of the stereotypes he or she subscribes to.

thus, they won't see anything new either.

yet you have to give props to the cnn marketing machine. even though i believe it is selling us a hunk of hype, so far it has done so very effectively. interest has been generated and details of the special have gone viral.

too bad it won't live up to its potential.

like my cousin the anchor woman said, it's almost as if cnn has proclaimed this the year of the black and put together this program to prove themselves enlightened. well, if the network had been smart as opposed to simply enlightened, it would have selected six or seven of the most compelling stories and spread them out over five nights so that the backstories of the people involved could have been more fully developed.

had they done that, we might have cared about those folks.

in a private conversation following the presentation of the series to the nation's television critics last week, o'brien explained that one of her goals for the series was to explore the disparity between blacks and whites and why it exists. i'm not sure that's something that can be fully examined or comprehended in four hours, especially when there are no references to the middle passage.

for me, being black in america isn't just about limited opportunities due to overt discrimination and racism. it isn't just about buying a big house in the suburbs and driving expensive german cars. and it's not just about overcoming drug addiction and poverty.

it's about the journey.

it's about having merry christmases, wonderful easters and happy birthdays despite your circumstances. it's about maintaining hope and faith in the eye of the storm. and, as nikki giovanni once wrote it's about realizing that "black love is black wealth."

that's what people need to understand.

kudos to cnn for trying. but unfortunately the powers that be got to the station too late and missed the train on this one.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

summer vacation?
yeah right!


i'm laughing as i write this because my recent trip home was anything but a vacation. it was more like a never-ending, somewhat exhaustive journey of discovery.

i discovered i had the guts to sing donna summer's "last dance" in front of a crowd of people chilling at an upscale restaurant bar.

i discovered that some people--most of whom were still seemingly sober--actually thought that i could sing.

i discovered that some older women really, really like their liquor.


i discovered that i had an adorable little cousin whose personality is as big as cyberspace.

i discovered that i could actually enjoy spending my monday nights watching aging athletes and classmates drink beer and play softball. it's fine family fun.

i discovered i really need to lay off the carbs.

i discovered, with the help of my cousin bishop clay, that there really is a difference between faith and hope.
i discovered my parents really do need to get out more.

i discovered, finally, that my mother has a movement disorder and what we must do to deal with it.

i discovered that there really are never enough hours in a day.

i discovered just how frustrating life can be when you're staying in a house with no dsl.

i discovered that i need to spend more time mentoring and less time bitching.

i discovered the need for medical power of attorney forms.

i discovered that my parents are ready to give up their house.

i discovered how high gas really is.

i discovered that talking about the lack of diversity on television on npr with a couple of colleagues is really enlightening. check the link!

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=92223523

i discovered that there are a lot of photo opps in downtown cincinnati and i missed them all.

i discovered that the amish are good cooks.

i discovered the right way to begin each day.

i discovered that good friends always know what you need without you having to ask for it.

thanks mam and jap for all the medical advice. thanks cat, bl, bm, dd, memc, br for all the support. thanks mrs. waller and cousin marg for telling me what i must do. thanks docjr and hvk for bringing it on home. thanks mm for ringing at just the right time when i needed a diversion from all the madness. thanks ctw for exposing me to new things. thanks bnyc for the amusing text. thanks mw for the free legal advice. thanks kmb for that amazing photo that our girl angela took--it was just the one i wanted. and thanks jm for the ride home.



photos: 1. me with my cousins tierre and stephen; 2. me with my high school classmates and friends steve fletcher and barb richman; 3. my cousin steve "bro" bell; 4. my uncle chicks and cousin bishop donald "pepe" clay jr.; 5. my cousin eric bell; 6. my cousin joann with my mom