to be loved by duke
at this moment in time i'm supposed to be saluting some friends and acquaintances at essence magazine's 2nd annual black women in hollywood luncheon at the beverly hills hotel. but, when i opened my eyes at 10 a.m. today, i immediately realized how difficult it was going to be to attend yet another masturbatory hollywood award season opus.
it so doesn't matter.
it became even harder to motivate myself after receiving some news on my facebook page that rocked my world.
"Melissa invited you to 'Melissa Duke-Mooney Memorial Service' on Sunday,
February 22 at 2:30pm."
because of the way it was worded i honestly thought it was some kind of joke. i had just read duke's last irreverent status update a few days ago. she was fine.
but then i read the rest.
Event: Melissa Duke-Mooney Memorial Service
What: Ceremony
Host: Neil Mooney
Start Time: Sunday, February 22 at 2:30pm
End Time: Sunday, February 22 at 3:30pm
Where: Eastwood Christian Church
naturally, i was like wtf? i quickly pulled up duke's facebook page and after sifting through dozens of sympathy messages i realized that this was no joke. my girl, melissa duke, was no longer breathing and i had no idea why.
i immediately contacted two mutual friends--lisa and claire. claire was the first to respond. she wrote that duke had been in intense pain monday night, slipped into a coma on tuesday and was gone early wednesday. bacterial meningitis. then i had the unenviable task of informing lisa, who was at the hospital with her young son and hadn't heard the news.
like many of duke's friends i am stunned and shocked beyond words. duke provided a significant amount of our daily light. she was equal parts sun and moon. and at 41, still very young.
naturally, at times like these your mind is awash with memories. duke and i first met at a press junket. at the time she was a publicist for fox and i was the pop culture columnist for the fort worth star-telegram. i fell in love with her instantly because she was so outside the norm for a studio flak. duke exuded warmth, seemed genuinely interested in who you were as a person and didn't really involve herself in the journo class wars--"the my paper is bigger than yours, etc. bs." she treated everyone the same regardless of circulation figures or tax bracket.
our time together in l.a. was brief because she and her husband packed up their bags and moved southeast to nashville. i was truly saddened but understood perfectly when she said, "it's about quality of life issues."
throughout the ensuing years duke and i kept in touch. i remember getting the first pictures her oldest daughter and then chastising her for not sending photos of the second baby in a timely manner. we also used to bump into each other from time-to-time at various junkets. she would always take care of me. and, one of my great pleasures was jumpstarting the friendship between duke and lisa, when lisa and her family moved to nashville.
last year when i started this journal--because that's what it really is as opposed to being a blog--duke was one of the first to send her love. she wrote:
"I just wanted to let you know that I've been reading your blog....and I LOVE your voice. It is clear, true and feels like a friend. You have a gift with words but it seems the way you see the world....the way you prioritize (for lack of a better word) is your true gift. Your words inspire and have got me thinking more about my own priorities.
I know we only pass each other in junket life....barely knowing one another really but I am enjoying reading you - getting to know the real you. Thanks for sharing.
Continue to find the beauty.
xo Melissa
P.S. I have some tomatoes for you - get to Nashville!!"
i'm so glad i saved that note. i always will. yet, i'm saddened that she perhaps didn't realize that she was more than just a junket pal.
i'm sorry duke.
i'm sorry that it took your death to hammer home an age-old cliche. you really do have to tell folks how much you love them while they're still here.
c u later girlfriend. xox
4 comments:
Dear Devodiva,
Dunno ya, but I read your posting and just wanted to write a note to say that I found myself in the same boat as you this afternoon when I got the same Facebook notification re: Miss Duke.
I too was convinced it was a sick joke, and even now ... I'm still sick to my stomach with it. I still can't believe the news.
Like I said already - I dunno ya. I am, however, glad to know you knew Duke too, and felt the same warmth and love as I, who also knew Duke over the years when she worked for Fox. And yes, I wholeheartedly agree - Duke was the real deal. A human being committed to treating others as such, despite being surrounded by so many others in her profession who aren't so genteel, some of whom are downright arrogant, self-absorbed assheads and nitwits and fame hogs...which is a shame.
When the shock subsides, I know am going to cry more. I am going to be heartbroken for a while, I don't doubt, for I miss my big sis ... a whip-smart pop tart, a good ol' fashion feisty gal, a burlesque Southern belle with no bull about her, a lady both rare and fair, though her sudden passing is anything but the latter.
Personal grief aside, I want to thank you for calling attention to what should truly and properly be known herein as "the Duke Spirit" (all references to the current UK rock group semi-unintentional), and whose loss is too huge to sum up in mortal words.
But hey, let God bless all of us in her wake, those who had the pleasure, time and honor to call her friend, for all of us are better off in the knowing in this life. I think Duke herself would agree.
KB in NYC
Amen to all you said!!!!
I work at a TV station and "only" knew Melissa through phone & email. I say "only" because we'd chat about a lot more than just what movie satellite she was setting up-- life, juggling work & family, but mostly it was about our kids. My hope for them as they grow is that they truly know what a wonderful, create, one-of-a-kind person their Mom was both inside and out. And that she touched so many people's lives in ways she'll never know! (oh, I'm getting weepy.)
I will miss her much and hope that her family feels the love we're all sending them.
Leslie in Portland
beautifully said. she touched hearts from coast to coast and i am grateful to have crossed her path. i will be at the memorial tomorrow...at the neighborhood church where our kids went to school together and she brightened my day every time i saw her at drop off or pick up.
I just found your post. And yes, Melissa was a wonderful person, and will ALWAYS be an amazing soul. My husband -- who plays in a band w/ her hubby, Neil -- found some great words that really comforted us before the Memorial Service and posted them here: timclo.com/blog/topics/philosophy.
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